Friday, December 19, 2014

The Tale of An Invisible Child: Dear, Somebody...

disclaimer
"I am feeling down. Would you listen to my story?"

There it is.
The feeling. That inconvenient things has come invading my mind again.
Everyday. Almost every single day since the beginning of December, my mood has gone worst. Worse and worsen as the day pass, going upside down until in reach the lowest rung.

I admit it. I need people to support me at this rate. So I write...

Monday, December 8, 2014

To Finish A Yuck Meal

image taken from here


I only have two choices: to eat or stay starving.
Both are very inconvenient to do.

But...
That's my own cooking
But again...
I should not waste food, right?

I sighed, hard. 
Looking at the rice in the plate after the first taste already made my heart sunk. I should eat this? My heart screamed. I averted my eyes, didn't want to stare at my own poor masterpiece any longer.
God, is my cooking skill really that bad? I was about to burst in tears. As long as I remember, my last cooking (which was last Saturday) wasn't this... yuck.

[Lyric] Remember When - Avril Lavigne


  ~REMEMBER WHEN~

Remember when I cried to you a thousand times
I told you everything
You know my feelings
It never crossed my mind
That there would be a time
For us to say goodbye
What a big surprise

But I'm not lost
I'm not gone
I haven't forgot

[Lyric] Black Star - Avril Lavigne

Black Star

Black star
Black star
Forever you will be
A shining star
Shining star
Be whatever you can be

Rock star
Rock star
We will always be...
Black star
Black star
Black star

Black star
Black star
Black star


~ Aira

Sunday, December 7, 2014

The Tale of An Invisible Child : "Supaya Tahu Diri"


disclaimer
    Tetiba saja saya jadi teringat dengan kelas perdana mata kuliah Psikologi Perkembangan Dewasa-Lansia awal semester ini. Seperti biasanya, dosen melemparkan pertanyaan cliche pada sesi pengantar mata kuliah: “Kenapa kita harus belajar mata kuliah ini?” Pertanyaan yang cenderung membosankan bagi saya mengingat hampir semua dosen mengajukan pertanyaan yang sama di setiap pertemuan perdana mata kuliah yang diampunya.

         Saya tidak begitu tertarik untuk beropini pada saat itu dan menyibukkan diri dengan pikiran saya sendiri sementara kelas riuh oleh teman-teman yang bergilir menyampaikan pendapatnya, hingga suatu kalimat dari dosen yang menanggapi dan membenarkan pendapat salah satu mahasisiwa sukses menggiring imajinasi liar saya kembali ke ruang kelas.

           “Ya, supaya kalian tahu diri.”

Saturday, December 6, 2014

A Short Letter for Lani

Dear Lani,

How are you?

Well, I know it's not a good question to ask. I also know that you've been avoiding us lately.
I know.
We knew.

I read your blog posts. When you refer me to that certain site. I read the older post.
Checking the date, I couldn't recall what was wrong on that day which made you that furious. Seriously, I don't remember a thing. I don't remember what did we do to get you that upset on that day. But don't worry. I don't write this to confront you :)

I just wanna pass some words to you.
No, I am not gonna lecture nor giving you advices. I know better that I'm not in the position to do that :)

Friday, December 5, 2014

A Letter to Echa

disclaimer 

Dear Echa,
I know it’s stupid to write you this letter. I am so embarrass to myself for doing this. But you know, I am not a kind of people who is good at talking. I am one of those people who is an expert at hiding our feeling and putting poker face on.

All I want to say is... I am sorry for being such a bad friend. I know I had troubled you a lot. Also, thank you for taking care of me all this time.
Goodbye~

Monday, November 24, 2014

Will You Be There?



Just this afternoon I told Kak Mei that I was sad. I didn't usually speak out my feeling. But today, an unknown drive within me had made me say it; I am sad.

I didn't expect anything from her, because I seriously don't feel comfortable with it. I don't feel right to share my emotion with other and bother them with it. Meisyura's reaction was just like what I had expected.

"What's wrong?"

I told her that I don't know either. I feel uneasy ever since yesterday and I don't know what's wrong with myself. I felt like crying but I didn't.
I, I...

When I'm lost along the way and I can't face another day
And if I stumble on the road and if I can't carry the load
And if I lose my faith, and kindness, and generosity
Would you hold my hand?
Say you understand my pain

Will someone be there for me?

Sunday, October 12, 2014

International Moment of Frustration Scream Day




The earth is growing old, and the people in it is going crazier. The world is in big chaos.

Natural disaster happen everywhere. Volcanoes are partying with high spirit, typhoon and storm are running in the horizon, the sky who is a shy type and has no friend to play with, keep weeping here and there causing high flood and landslide.

People as well don't want to just sit, they grab their guns and play with the bullets, wasting it to shot clueless people, declaring a war to invite some bored army into battlefield.

---

Students live studying to death, worker sacrifice their rest to earn more for their family, housewife taking care of everything in their household, army with their allies fighting the rebels, scientists focusing on their research and celebrities appear on tv nonstop.
There still more, many more professions... many kind of busyness that keep people preoccupied everyday.
Everyone is busy with their life and routine.

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Welcome Back to Real Life~

So tomorrow the new semester will begin. The first class in this new semester will be Psychotherapy. Such a heavy subject to begin a day. Fortunately, we only have one class on Wednesday, so I won't get a mental shock with the change of schedule.

The professor of the said class is the same with one certain subject which I got bad mark last semester. I have to study harder in this class I guess. Getting another bad mark from this professor will be a huge shame for me. Starting tomorrow, I must put more effort in listening through a long speech in class.

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Ramadan Story : Day 2 - Things Are Getting Hard

Previous days: 1

#Morning


I woke up with stomachache.

I opened my eyes lazily and rubbed my flat stomach to ease the pain. I didn't eat much, so why?
The light was on and I scanned the room finding the suspect to lit up the lamp. There I found my little sister was changing into outdoor shirt. She was preparing to go to the cram school with the elder sister.

Since I didn't have any business to do this morning, I planned to continue sleeping. It's always be my way to avoid the pain. When I sleep, I forget everything and of course I couldn't feel any pain. Staying awake and hissing just wasting energy, I prefer to sleep above all.

I asked my sister to hand me eucalyptus oil and I wipe them on my skin. I fell asleep again after sometime.

When the sky already bright, I got up remembering that I had to go to the bank to pay a certain bill. With a slow motion, I dragged myself to go shower and go out.


#Afternoon 


I woke up with headache.

What is this about???

Apparently, I felt so tired when I got back from the bank and nap again. The sun was so bright today. I could feel the sun ray burning my skin when I was riding motorbike to the bank. The distance was just about 2 km from my home, but with that short journey, I got sunburn :3

I went back to bed after Dhuhur prayer and woke up after in Ashar. No one woken me up that when I jolted from my sleep, it's already 4.30pm. Rubbing my temple and fighting the pain on my head. I climbed down the bed and did prayer.

Just when I finish doing prayer, my mom yelled from the kitchen, "your laundry!"

Aha, I did soak my laundry before I nap, and I almost forgot about that. Yes mom, I'm gonna wash them now!

Spending almost an hour doing my laundry, at least I finish them and got a spare time to write. It's quite shameful to admit that I didn't help my mom in preparing meal for today's iftar. But what to do? Everything was done when I was struggling with the laundry. Having four daughters at home is a big help after all. hehe :D

So then I repeated yesterday's scene. Grab my laptop and sit at the back door frame. I like this spot very much, the scenery is only plants and ground, but I love them and it feels cool to stare at them.

This is what I earn today, a short poem for my friend: Puisi Untuk Lani - Sebelum Senja.

We reached iftar time when I finish posting my poem on facebook. I grab my drink and end my fasting today.

Nah, I got to capture the menu. So here it is...



grated cucumber with raspberry syrup + instant noodle.

An extremely simple iftar menu :)

Also the must present food during iftar; date fruits


date fruits
Here we have two more menus from my mom and eldest sister.




 The cake above is from my mom. It's my father's favorite. 
Do you them? Well, I think only Acehnese know this cuisine. 
If I were to say it, I would call them ancient cake. Why? Because only some people know this dish despite it has been exist since long time ago. I remember seeing my late grandmother bake this simple cake. That's why my father love them so much. It's his childhood snack.

The second is my sister deep fries eggplant. This person seems to love that purple veggie so much.
Here is her cooking;




Despite its appearance was so unappetizing, the taste was incredible! 
I don't always eat eggplant, to say it right, I hate them. But when it's my sister made, I found myself eating them.

Last, we have this sour fruit; pineapple.  



There still Evening part, Tarawih. But I'm getting sleepy, as I come back from Masjid at 10.30pm

See you, again!

Don't forget to post a comment about your Ramadan story.
Assalamu'alaykum~ 

Monday, June 30, 2014

[Lyric] Hey! Say! JUMP - Setsunasa, Hikikaeni (Romaji + English Translation)

"Setsunasa, Hikikae ni"
"In Exchange for Sadness"





Romaji:

Itoshii kuruoshii kowareru hodo ni
Itoshii kuruoshii koware sou na hodo ni
Pin kara kiri e to hora madowasu
Adeyaka  na hikari

Uneri  kuneri sasou hitosuji
Chikazukeba oboroge ni yureru  baby
Chirari to nozoku  iro koi  kage ga
Anata hiki tateru

Tonari ni ireba iru hodo kasumi  tooku
Mune wo zawamekaseru

You are my light
Hitotsu hitotsu miseru katachi  ni koikogareru no
So you are my light
Setsunasa  hikikae  ni te wo nobashi tsukamu no

Kiri  ga nai akogare da toshitemo
Dare ka ga waratte ite mo
Ashita mo mata itsumo no you ni
Anata to iu kono hikari ni tsutsumarete itai
Tsutsumarete itai

Kanashii kuruoshii kowareru hodo ni
Kanashii kuruoshii kowaresouna hodo ni
Botsuri ochiteku namida wo terashi
Kokoro hareteku

Mimi wo sumashi  me wo korashi  kioku shiteku anata iru kono toki

Hitori hitori mieru katachi ni ai motomeru no
So you are my light
Omoi takamareba mabushiku tsuyoku naru

Itsu no hi ka anata wo terasetara
Negai wo tsuzuri  nagara
Ima wa mada itsumo no youni
Anata to iu kono hikari ni tsutsumarete itai

Sepia iro kurai kokoro ni iro fuyashiteiku
Tsuyoku yasashiku hakanaku moroi  sono manazashi  ga

You are my light
Hitotsu hitotsu miseru katachi ni koikogareru no
You are my light
Setsunasa hikikae ni te wo nobashi tsukamu no

You are my light
Hitori hitori mieru katachi ni ai motomeru no
So you are my light
Omoi takamareba mabushiku tsuyoku naru

Itsu no hi ka anata wo terasetara
Negai wo tsuzuri nagara
Ima wa mada itsumo no youni
Anata to iu kono hikari ni tsutsumarete itai
Tsutsumareteitai


English:
So precious and addicting to the point of breaking
So precious and addicting that it seems to almost break

One thing to another, look and it mystifies you
A fascinating light

Wavering and swaying back and forth, a luring straight light
If I get close, it sways faintly baby
The fleeting slight glimpse of a deep colored shade
Favors you

Far more dim and distant than it is beside me
It stirs up my heart

You are my light
Deeply in love with each shape that you show, one by one
So you are my light
In exchange for this sadness, I’ll reach out and grasp these hands

Even if this yearning is endless
Even if anyone’s laughing
Tomorrow will also be the same as always
I want to stay wrapped up within the light that has you
I want to stay wrapped within

So sad and addicting to the point of breakage
So sad and addicting that it seems to almost break
These falling tear droplets illuminate
Clearing up my heart

When listening carefully, my eyes easily turned it all into a memory of your time here

The shapes I can see, one by one, seek for love
So you are my light
If those feelings rise, they’ll grow to shine brightly

When will the day come that you shine
As you spell out my wishes
Even now, the same as always
I want to stay wrapped up within the light that has you

Its sepia color increases the color of my darkened heart
That powerful, gentle, momentarily fragile gaze

You are my light
Deeply in love with each shape that you show, one by one
So you are my light
In exchange for this sadness, I’ll reach out and grasp these hands

You are my light
The shapes I can see, one by one, seek for love
So you are my light
If those feelings rise, they’ll grow to shine brightly

When will the day come that you shine
As you spell out my wishes
Even now, the same as always
I want to stay wrapped up within the light that has you
I want to stay wrapped within


Translation credit to Kodochalover @livejournal

Ramadan Story: Day 1 - It Went Smoothly

Marhaban ya Ramadhan...
Welcome Ramadhan...
Selamat Datang wahai Ramadhan...

Most of creatures excited to welcome this month, except for some who don't know the features of this month--yet. I am one of them, as the due date was getting closer, I pray to Allah to prolong my life so I will encounter this month again this year. I was so afraid that I'd die before the first Tarawih prayer last night.

Well, it's almost iftar time when I write this now, I'll just write some part then continue after tonight's Tarawih.

What's the special thing of the first day? It's the passion!
Everyone still in the high excitement of doing worship, I myself felt that too. Somehow I could overcome my sleepiness and read Holy Quran. Hehe

Well, well, this is my note from the first day.


#Tarawih

 I was so engrossed in reading Quran that I didn't realize the azan almost reverberated. It was my father who suddenly exclaimed.
"Is no one going to Masjid?"
Because of that remark, I lifted my head and glanced at clock wall. It's 7.50 pm.
"20 minutes before the Isha prayer." My father continued and I end my reading.

I went to dining room and grab my dinner. Small portion of rice with "rendang". I eat in hurry then rush into bath room to take wudhu and prepare to go to Masjid.

At the door, I was confused, I just realize that my sandal was gone and I had nothing to wear. My little sister who was being so kind appeared from another door carrying a pair of green sandal for me. I suspected that it was my father's, since the number was so large and I look like a child wearing their parent's; out of size. I wore them nevertheless.

Somehow, I started getting sleepy after Isha prayer, and the long discourse from Imam didn't help at all. I felt like going back to my childhood age, when I fight against my sleepiness just to finish the first two rakaah of Tarawih. The drowsiness lasts until witir even when I was walking home. I almost stumble on my steps because I was walking with eyes half-lidded. Thanks God, I reached home safely without embarrassing myself.

#Reading Holy Quran

I set another target this year, that I should at least finish reading it twice this month. Thus, I eagerly read the Qur'an after Magrib prayer on the first night. 

It was my sister who halted my reading because she suddenly voice out. "It's already Ramadan?" I was speechless before answering. "Yes, we're gonna do Tarawih prayer in next hour."

I didn't blame her for being oblivious. The news about Ramadan was covered with World Cup issues and the Campaign of President Election in this country; Indonesia. The two big event happen at time with Ramadan.

But as I'm not really interest with both, I'm successfully drowning myself in reading Quran. Trying my best to fulfill my goal this Ramadan and lessening time of doing unnecessary stuff.

I read Quran after each prayer and when I feels like have nothing to do.

#Sahur

I have no complain about this.

Like the previous Ramadan, the must served menu on Sahur time is "Sie Reuboh" as long as this meat appeared on the table, I won't complain a thing.

But seems like I got the wrong portion this sahur. Maybe because I woke up kinda late, there's only two plates left on the table with rice in it. Without thinking I grab the big one and put the side dish as much as my heart want. Just when my sister took the only plate left and went to the kitchen, I realize that the rice on my plate was not my usual portion.

What to do then? I already added the side dish thus I had to eat them all. Well, I finished it somehow. But okay, eating beyond your portion is disaster. I got so full that I could only drink one glass, while usually I could even store three glass of water during sahur.

Okay, okay, I should rest much to prevent dehydration. 

#Afternoon Nap

In order to keep my body fit, I decided to rest so I could forget the thirst on my throat. I laid on my bed facing the wall, hiding from the sunlight that invade my room from the opened windows.

The atmosphere was quit, the weather was so hot and the sun enjoying itself up there in the sky. The heat surely made my temper crawling up. I felt it hard to handle my anger during sunny day.

Suddenly, a giggle touch my ears and forced my eyes to opened. It was already hard to ask dream to come down in the hot air. But my brother was dare to disturb my fight in calling the dreamland. 

Wait! Why was he in my room anyway? I didn't even realize when did he come in and there he was, conversing with my little sister while laughing continuously. I was annoyed so I scold them, but they didn't mind that I repeated my protest again and again. Until my father heard the noise and scold the noisy kids, they're going silent.

So then, I was back with my effort of flying into dreamland. It was successful in the end.

#Iftar

I didn't expect a thing for the first day but cold beverage. I told you that I only drink one glass of water so I felt so dry. Cold water would help me to feel better.
But hey, I couldn't find ice block in the refrigerator, and it made me so crestfallen. My hope to get a cold chocolate drink had vanished already. I want to slumped on the floor and crying hard, but it was Ramadan and it's not the time to exaggerate. 

Thinking of another way, I still brew the chocolate then put in in the fridge. Hoping that refrigerant box would freeze the liquid faster than usual. In the end, it still warm when the iftar time comes and I gulp the beverage my family prepares. With the date fruit and fried noodle, I end the fasting today.

And the chocolate... I got them out the fridge after Tarawih prayer and the sensation of drinking it wasn't disappointed at all :D



Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Student's Diary: Memoirs of 4th Semester

 all pictures disclaimer

As expected, I spent my day strolling the internet world. It didn't earn much though, as I was only reading some articles and checking the fandom site for funny videos. I'm in high desperate of laughing stock, this past semester had transformed me into someone I never knew before, showing myself that I have another side which I didn't even thought exist in me. After all the torture I got, I'm planning to enjoy a week full before Ramadan and get my revenge; to relax.

...

Hey, did I sound awful in the first paragraph? Hehe... 
I'm sorry to mention something like "this past semester had transformed me into someone I never knew before, showing myself that I have a side I didn't even thought exist in me". I didn't mean that I became a monster or power ranger or something alike of that. It just... 

Okay, before I explain the sentence above, I want to make an assumption;  
"Someone who know me and read this might checking their files of memory now, searching for a hint of what I mean by that strange sentence. People who had been with me along this semester must trying to find bizarre thing about me in this semester that they remember, then making a hypothesis and continue reading." 

But still, I don't think they would make it right :p

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Derai Derai Pagi



Derai derai...
Daun melambai
Menggoyang helai-helai

Derai derai...
Rinai terlerai
Menyapa hijau yang tersemai

Derai derai...
Tangan menggapai
Hujan membelai

Derai derai...
Kota ini basah lagi

Darussalam, 12 Juni 2014

Monday, June 9, 2014

Student's Diary: The First Day of Final Exam


Is this for sure?

I could just blink and checked the paper again and again. Thinking that I might lost some pages. But no, as I glimpsed throughout class, I assumed that everyone received the exact sheet as me.
But why?

Are you kidding me?

I was somehow annoyed since the question was out of my expectation.

Are you kidding us?

This is final exam! And what I found on my sheet was only three question! You read it right, 3 questions that relate to each of it! You can say that it was only one question, precisely. A question that was expanded with detail.

My dear lecturer, were you serious when you wrote this?

If only I was in comic, I might had flip the chair with my hand and storm out the class to the school ground. Looking up to the sky then shout; "Kami-sama, is this the right world to live in?"

Okay, that's too much. I won't do something like that even if I was a comic character.

Oh right, there's a song which said,
"if you're grumpy, grumpy, grumpy, stomp your feet."
I learned that in class, you know?
But I couldn't do that this morning or I'd be kicked out from class. It was exam, it was exam!
Oh my, I'm getting crazy.

No, I'm not mad. I was grateful at that time, grateful because I didn't study the past night. Because if I did study, I'd be seriously crazy when I face that kind of question. I'd regret the time I used to study instead of writing story, because the question didn't come from the textbook. Yes, I'd be really upset.

But why is everyone still in class? With this question, they should have finished minutes ago.
Don't ask me, I was busy complaining that I haven't done a single question after more than five minutes sitting there. Again, I peek at my friends work. No, I'm not peeking their answer. I just wanted to make sure that they're doing those question, the same question I was holding with the will to eat them up.

The invigilator might had suspect me for acting so weird even since I came in. But who cares? I just want to make sure that I got the right question before I done it and left while the fact that there's still more! I couldn't pawn my future with a stupid mistake during final exam!

One by one, I saw my friends walked out the room. In the end, I was convinced that no question were hidden. Then I start my work. I did it so carefully afraid I might make some mistakes and lose my chance to get A mark. I smiled when as I finished and walked out as my friends did.

Then, outside the class, my friends was also talking about the question. Yes, I admit it. This exam seems to be the first time we weren't serious in exam. And a joke was cracked; "It seems like the lecturer also wasn't serious about the question."

Oh, well, okay. I won't complain anymore. But I hope they won't joke with our score later.

Let's pray for tomorrow's exam!

Good luck :)

Monday, June 2, 2014

When The Door Closed



When I close the door,
I let some things stay out of my life
It's for an end, no restarting.

When I shut the door close,
Never knock on it forever
Because the knob has been locked, for eternity

When the door has been closed
I could see the things I left outside, stepping back to afar
Together and in unison, going with their own direction

Just go, don't ever look back

When I close the door,
I left no hope to open it back.
When I close the door,
it means no turning back

Just when I close the door, I see you standing there waving a goodbye.

When I close the door,
it means no turning back.

It's an ultimate end, for everything...

Darussalam, June 2, 2014

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

I'm Tired and I...

"Why do people cry?"


I haven't gotten the answer of that question, yet.

Right, people cry for various reason. Because they were hurt, they were tired of something, they were upset, and losing something important. But why?

...and is that right or wrong to let out our emotion by crying?

There are people consider as a crybaby. As long as I know, they are people who cry over small thing. Maybe, for many people the reason the cry was something trivia, but who knows what was that for them. Then, is that wrong to cry even if that only about small things? Why do people see it somewhat negative to be a crybaby?

Well, there also times when I didn't understand why do I'm crying. I just can't... explain it.
Sometimes I feel that it was stupid to cry because of that reason, and I feel ashamed of myself to breakdown like that.

There's time I cried because I was upset... I cried because I was tired, or fed up of something. I cry because I can't stand the situation and I want to run away. I cry because I got enough of everything and I want something new.

So many reason to make me cry, right?
and I don't know why those thing let me to shed tears.

Monday, May 19, 2014

Suatu Senja di Qeez Pancake

 “Kalian tidak tahu apa yang aku rasakan.”

Kalimat itu pasti pernah terlintas di benak setiap orang. Kadang-kadang, menempatkan diri di dalam forum besar hanyalah sebentuk pelarian; rasionalisasi bahwa kita tidak sendirian, meski gaduhnya keramaian tetap diakui sebagai sebentuk kesepian oleh sudut hati yang lainnya.

Kami tidak tahu apa yang kau rasakan.” Kalimat itu mungkin terdengar sangat kejam untuk seseorang yang sedang membutuhkan sandaran untuk menumpahkan perasaannya. Tapi itu memang kenyataannya. Sebab itulah kami ingin kau bicara.

Maaf untuk upaya menghibur yang tidak maksimal, tidak ada solusi yang tepat untuk sebuah permasalahan yang samar-samar. Tidak ada tindakan yang benar dalam menyikapi suatu perasaan yang tidak dijelaskan. Setiap tingkah kami mungkin menyinggung secara tidak sadar, namun sepenuhnya tidak ada kesengajaan.

Setengah jam berada di tengah keramaian ini, namun tak seorang pun yang bicara. Memulai untuk saling terbuka sepertinya masih sulit untuk masing-masing kita. Menjadi sebuah peringatan kembali bahwa kepercayaan itu memang bukan hal yang mudah untuk diberikan. Setiap kita punya kekhawatiran akan bertemu kekecewaan atau pengkhiatan.

Dan di sinilah kita.. fooling around like we always do...

Friday, May 9, 2014

The Last (S)word











His eyes were red, flaming in anger. But somehow, I could see a hint of sadness hiding behind that black orbs. His piercing gaze met my solemn face. I knew, soon or later I’d face this day. The day when I’d be saying “welcome” to my death angel. When those men fetch him that day, I know he would return to escort my death.
“Welcome home, Angel.” I reached the door and let him in. He was gripping tightly on his sword. I know. I know, in a matter of minute that sharp sword will land on my body and rip my skin. But I stay calm, there’s nothing I fear. I had long known that this day is the part of my fate. I swore to myself I’d accept everything.
However, I want to serve my death angel a proper meal before I die. Simply because it’s my job, to serve him. Even it was my last day, I wanted to spend it with serving him. Because I made a vow in front of God that I’d devote my life to him since that day, and I won’t break my promise.
“Why?” He asked. Staring straight into my eyes, as if he wanted to reveal what was on my head. I guess he already known that I had read his intention.
“I have no answer to that question.” I replied while pouring the green tea into a small cup. “I didn’t put any poison. Drink it.” I said to him and he gulp the drink.
The moment that bitter liquid pass his throat, he stop for awhile. “you’re right.” He mumbled and take another sip.
“If you’re hesitated, you should not drink.” I said casually, although the thought that he didn’t believe me hurting my chest.
“Even if it poisonous, I’d still drink it.”
“Only a moron would do that.” I snored, thinking how stupid he might be.
“It goes the same on you, only a moron would calmly serve the person who will be their murderer.” He got up from his seat and face me. “You should have run, honey.”
Hearing that, I smile. “You know I would never do that.”
“You’re such a brave creature.” His hand traveled to my cheeks, cupping it lovingly. I think it’d be the last time I feel his gentle touch, so I close my eyes, treasuring the sweet moment.
“You should have known that long ago, when I decide to marry you, my death angel.” I said after he released his hands.
“Look at me,” he demanded. I lifted my face and stare at his eyes. He didn’t say anything and I zipped my mouth as well. Our gaze lock on each other for a couple of minutes till I couldn’t stand it any longer and avert my eyes. It hurts. It hurts to know that the one you love the most will be the one who send you to death.
He stay still though, holding on me as if he doesn’t want to let go. I sighed heavily, if he keeps staring at me with that gaze, I might be melting in any second now and change my mind.
You’re so cruel. Why are you showering me with that loving stare when you are going to end my life? I cried in my head and close my eyes, feeling that two orbs of mine are burning. No, I won’t let a single tear escape from it.
I heard him sighing, but I didn’t dare to peek though I was so curious of what kind of expression he has on his handsome face. He slowly draw me closer and pull me into his warm embrace.
“It will be hurt.” He whispered into my ear. It sounds like a warning. But I didn’t care at all about the painful of death. My heart was aching badly and I know the pain I was feeling is way greater than the pain his sword would cause on my body later. I couldn’t think of any other painful pain than dying on my beloved one’s hand.
“Let’s have a battle.” He finally slip his hand off me. He took his sword and handed it to me. I was confused on what he plan to do. He could just slash me right away.
“Take your chance to save your life.” He answered my silent question. But I didn’t have any intention to do so. Having a thought that he wants me to die is already killing me. Several minutes ago when I witnessed his anger eyes on me, I already died. There’s no point of saving my life if I couldn’t live with him.
He walk into a room and I saw him back with the heirloom sword on his hand. It’s the sacred sword, a poisonous sword his ancestor keep to kill their sworn enemies in one slash. He stopped a few meters in front of me and point the sword in front my face, inviting a fight. I stared at the sword in my grip and threw it away without hesitation.
“I accept my fate. Go on, kill me.” I said and walk closer, until his sword press on my chest.
“No!” He shouted and draw back his sword. “I’m giving you a chance to life so take that.” He walked to where my sword was thrown and hand it back to me. “If you can escape, I’ll set you free.”
“You want us to fight each other?” I chuckled amusingly, couldn’t understand on how could he thought of that idea. “It just wasting time. Come here and stab me.” I dare him, but he didn’t move an inch and just staring at me with pair of unreadable eyes.
“Don’t come closer!” He warned when I was about to step forward. “Take your sword and fight me!” He ordered again.
I know he is stubborn. So I get my sword and point it at him, just to please him. “Let’s start.”
He began his move and attack me. I dodge his sword by using my sword as the shield. I didn’t fight back, I couldn’t do that. I just let him have some fun before we couldn’t fight with each other again, before my corpse buried underground.
I was getting emotional when I think about him, on how I’d never see him again after that day. I consciously put my guard down and let him immobilize me. I decided to make it quick. Then I found myself was thrown to the ground with him standing beside me, his sword press on my chest.
“Why don’t you fight back?” He cried desperately. I just flashed a thin smile, assuring him that he could do anything he want to me.
“Stop smiling!” His sword is now pointed on my neck, scratching my skin in the process. Some blood dripping from the open wound, tainting my shirt and the ground beneath me, but I could feel no pain.
“I’m sorry,” I heard him muttered lowly and drawing back his sword. He crouched down and wrapped my wound with his handkerchief. The handkerchief which have my name and his on it.
“You don’t need to do this. I’m dying anyway.” I said casually, earning a glare from him.
“Do you really think that’s gonna work on me? I don’t even scare of your sword.” I sneered, but he let it go. I failed to irritate him.
“Let’s stop this nonsense.” He said with his back facing me. From his vibrate tone, I know he was crying. “I will let you go.”
“No.” I refused and tugged on his sleeve. “You’re almost done. Finish me.”
“I can’t do this!” He turned around and shouted on my face.
“Yes, you can honey. You hate me.” I shoved the fact on his face. “Too bad you didn’t know that the one you hunt is living with you.”
“Why are you doing this to me?”
“I only want your happiness.” I answered honestly. “You always say that you hate them, my family. You won’t let any of their offspring stay alive.”
He didn’t give any reaction. From his eyes, I know he was in dilemma. He hates me but also loves me. I know that. Because there’s no way he would stupidly marry the one he hates. He must feel betrayed. Like I was deceiving him, though I didn’t mean it that way.
“Come on. Do that. You hate me, right?”
“If you want to die that much, I’ll grant your wish.” He stood up and hold his sword. A moment later, he was back on his previous pose. Standing on my side with his sword on my chest.
“Any last word?” He said while his sword begin to penetrate my chest. I let out a grunt feeling my flesh being ripped apart. I look up at his face and saw he was shutting his eyes tightly.
“I love you.” A lone tear finally escape the corner of my eyes. I want to say it loud but I choke on my breath, halting my words in the throat. But apparently, my whisper reach his ear and he opened his eyes wide with shock. He pulled out his sword from my body and threw it somewhere.
As my sight getting blurry, I saw him leaning closer and I could feel his warm hand around my fragile frame.
My dream is dying in your arms, but unfortunately my fate is to die in your hand...

But I guess, I got it both...

~*The End*~

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Aku, Kalian, dan Sepiring Perdebatan

Suara tahlilan dari mesjid masih nyaring terdengar. Isya baru saja tiba dan akan tinggal hingga penghujung malam. Kontras dengan suara lantang yang mengumandang dari corong masjid, kamar kecil tempat aku mengurung diri tetap dengan suasana yang sepi dan sunyi.

Sembari mengunyah biskuit coklat, aku menjelajahi akun facebook dan mendapati salah satu grup chat di inbox dengan riwayat chat yang panjang. Tak perlu ditebak, sudah jelas siapa tersangka yang menghuni grup tersebut. Walau tidak penasaran, aku membuka grup chat dan memeriksa hal apa yang mereka ributkan malam ini. Setelah bermalam-malam absen membuat onar karena disibukkan oleh tugas praktikum dan begadang ria mengetik laporan, ternyata aku rindu juga dengan celoteh kacau mereka.

Ah, ternyata Kak Mei yang membuka forum dengan meneriakkan curhat sekaratnya; Weekend travelling. Aku mengerti, aku mengerti --tanpa sadar mengangguk-angguk sendiri dan mencomot biskuit lagi--. Semenjak praktikum di hari senin dan ditimpa dengan tugas presentasi mata kuliah lainnya, Kak Mei memang terlihat menyedihkan. Postur kurusnya terpaksa diajak begadang dan hasilnya kantung mata yang sangat visible menambah atribut ketika ia presentasi siang tadi, membuat aku tidak tega bertanya dan diam-diam berdoa semoga mata kuliah tersebut cepat usai.

Tapi tak berapa lama setelah melontarkan ajakan jalan-jalan, Kak Mei menghilang. Aku curiga ia telah lelap di kamarnya, memimpikan abang di fakultas seberang jalan. Sementara kekacauan di grup chat masih belum terselesaikan. Ya, ini adalah forum leaderless group discussion. Seseorang melontarkan ide namun tak ada seorang pun yang bertanggung jawab untuk mengambil keputusan ataupun dipercaya untuk menarik kesimpulan. Menyatukan banyak ide dari sepuluh kepala itu susah guys! Apalagi yang melontarkan masalah tidak bertanggung jawab; lempar masalah sembunyi badan (ampun Kak Mei).

Nah, mari selidiki sudah sejauh mana perdebatan di forum. Ternyata masih jalan di tempat. Meributkan tujuan perjalanan namun tidak jalan-jalan. Yeah, that's a common sense in this group, rapatnya tak kunjung sampai pada kesimpulan, setiap argumen akan terbantahkan dan biasanya setiap anggota akan stuck ketika dimintai ide, seolah tempat wisata di kawasan Banda Aceh - Aceh Besar hanya segelintir saja. Well, sepertinya kita harus rajin-rajin membuka peta denah wisata, girls!

Hey, Kak Mei masih belum balik juga? Bahkan ibu Dina sudah datang. Personnel lainnya juga kemana? Hanya beberapa butir yang nampak masih menyalakan lampu hijau. Menyusul kak Mei kah? Sementara stok biskuit coklat semakin menipis, aku tak tahu harus membahas apa lagi.

Nah, nah. Agenda jalan-jalan agaknya akan batal. See? weekend pada sibuk semua. Tak hanya susah menyatukan ide, tapi merapatkan sepuluh orang in person di luar jadwal kuliah memang hampir-hampir mustahil, kecuali kita punya keterikatan lain di luar kampus, debut sebagai girlband misalnya.

Jum'at gotong royong, sabtu walimahan, minggu juga. Ayo guys! Cari celah di sela kegiatan itu. Bagaimana kalau kita masak-masak aja?
Bikin gorengan or bake a brownies :D 
Awak sih berharapnya nonton Dina seleksi :D

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

SORROW NIGHT

“It's so lonely without him...” You mumbled lowly, didn't dare to raise your voice louder and let the others know what you were saying.

You looked around and sighed. Relatives are gathering. There are many people in your house that night, but the athmosphere was quiet and heavy, as if no one present. You studied their facial expression; no one curve a smile, no words uttered. Only the rythme of each others breathe and the sound of clock tickle that could be heard. You sighed again, heavier this time.

If only he is here... you whine in your mind, missing your father presence. Your father was really good at lifting up the mood. He is a caring and loving person, who always success brighten up the gloomy aura of everyone around him. Unfortunately he wasn't there that night, and you couldn't make him there.

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Thank You for This 19 Years

Allah, I'm grateful for the 19 years you gave me. 

I'm really thankful that you give me a chance to life in this world, blessing me with a loving and understanding parents, nice family and caring best friends. I thank you very much for this long 19 years.

God, I wanna grow up as someone who don't have any regret, and I'm happy with all that I encountered in my life.


Allah, I'm really thank you for this 19 years. 

You always guarding me, guiding me to the right path.
Yes, I'm still a brat. I did many wrong things. But with your love, you always forgive me.
You know my weakness, you witness every drops of my tears. 
You show me that there's always a easiness after the hard time.
You hear my whines, you grant my whises.

Allah, thank you for giving me this life...

and if you still bless me with the chance to life longer... I want to be a better person. I wanna make the rest of my life to be the best of my life. 
If you still let me open my eyes tomorrow, please guide me to become a mature adult.

I still couldn't belief I have life this long. 19 years is not a short time. For everybody who has been watching me ever since the day I born, March 27, 1994. Thank you very much.

For my parents, I really admire them. Even if I disappointed them many times, they still love me so much. Ayah, Mak, I love you so much. I have never even wished to be born into other family. I'm really grateful that I'm your child. You're my number one heroes. Please take care of me like you always do.

For my sisters. We may not look close. But even if I'm not that confidence to say that you always think about me, I know you love me as much as I love you. Yeah, we just not expressive :D
and for the only prince, your annoying behavior is just because you want to gain my attention right?
But you really have to know when to stop, because I'm getting tired of yelling at you! :p

For my friends, who always stay by my side despite my sadistic side and childish act, thank you very much! I hope you still have the strength and patience to stand this personality of mine :D
Arigatou gozaimasu!


Indrapuri, March 26, 2014
10:58 p.m.

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Renungan Pagi: Telepon Dari Ayah

Pagi ini tiba-tiba aku teringat rumah. Padahal aku baru saja kembali ke Banda Aceh Minggu sore lalu. Dan sebenarnya aku juga berjanji akan pulang lagi Rabu sore ini. Tapi menahan rindu itu menyiksa. Karena saldo pulsa tidak mencukupi, akhirnya kuputuskan untuk meminta Ayah yang menelepon ke nomorku. Karena memang ada beberapa hal yang ingin kusampaikan kepadanya.

Tak berapa lama setelah sms terkirim, deringan ponsel terdengar. Telepon dari Ayah. Aku menjawab panggilan tersebut setelah menyetel suara terlebih dahulu, tak ingin terdengar seperti baru saja bangun tidur.

Suara dengan tingkat keserakan yang tinggi menjawab salamku dari seberang. Itu bukan suara beliau yang biasanya. Maka kupancing dengan menanyakan apakah beliau akan pergi ke sekolah (mengajar) hari ini dan beliau mengatakan telah berada di sekolah saat itu. Tetap saja aku merasakan suatu hal yang janggal. Hanya karena suara beliau yang berat dan tidak tegas seperti biasanya.

Aku mengkhawatirkan kesehatannya. Apakah beliau sakit atau baik-baik saja. Ingin kulontarkan pertanyaan itu, namun kalimat yang tak selesai kurangkai itu terpaksa kembali kutelan mentah-mentah. Karena dari nada suara beliau di kalimat terakhir, terdengar seperti ingin segera mengakhiri panggilan. 

Setelah mengkonfirmasi mengenai hal-hal yang telah kusampaikan, Ayah kemudian mengakhiri panggilan. Aku menghela napas berat seraya melepaskan ponsel dari genggaman. Kemudian kembali berbaring dan menatap langit-langit. 

Tidak tenang. Itulah yang kurasakan setelah mendengar suara beliau dari seberang. Sungguh, aku dapat membayangkan rautnya yang berkerut dan gesturnya yang tak bersemangat dari corak suara beliau pagi ini. Karena warna suara beliau yang demikian hanya akan kudengar ketika aku terbangun di tengah malam dan mendapati beliau tengah sendirian di dapur. Melepaskan letihnya setelah bekerja seharian sebelum beranjak tidur. 

Terus terang saja, suara beliau terdengar seperti serak yang tercipta ketika pertama kali berbicara setelah berjam-jam menangis. Aku benar-benar khawatir. Tidak ingin percaya bahwa beliau benar-benar tengah berada di sekolah saat kami berbicara di saluran telepon. Aku berinisiatif menanyakan hal ihwal beliau kepada kakakku. Namun belum sempat prasangkaku merangkak lebih jauh, dering ponsel terdengar lagi. Ayah.

Segera kujawab panggilan tersebut dengan mengucap salam. Kudengar beliau membalasnya masih dengan keserakan yang lama. Aku kemudian menunggu apa yang ingin beliau sampaikan. Setelah beberapa detik hening beliau kemudian bertanya;

"Sudah baca koran pagi ini?" 

Saturday, March 8, 2014

[Lyric] Planetarium - Otsuka Ai

...I won't cry, because a long time ago, I saw a beautiful sky with you

I love this song very much.

The first time I heard it must be the time I watched Hana Yori Dango 2. Well, it's indeed the soundtrack of the said drama.

Recently I listen to piano version of this song and fall deeper to Otsuka Ai's voice.
So, here's the lyric. Full credit to JpopAsia.


***

Yuuzuku yokao dasu kieteku kodomo no koe
Tooku tooku kono sora no dokoka ni kimi wa irun darou
Natsu no owari ni futari de nukedashita kono kouen de mitsuketa
Ano seiza nanda ka oboeteru?


Ae nakutemo kioku wo tadotte onaji shiawase wo mitainda
Ano kaori totomo ni hanabi ga patto hiraku


Ikitai yo kimi no tokoro he ima sugu kakedashite ikitai yo
Makkura de nanimo mie nai kowakutemo daijoubu
Kazoe kire nai hoshizora ga ima mo zutto koko ni arun da yo
Nakanai yo mukashi kimi to mita kirei na sora datta kara

 

Ano michi made hibiku kutsu no oto ga mimi ni nokoru
Ooki na jibun no kage wo mitsumete omou no deshou
   
Chittomo kawara nai hazu na no ni setsunai kimochi fukurandeku
Donna ni omottatte kimi wa mou inai

 

Ikitai yo kimi no soba ni chiisakute mo chiisakutemo
Iichiban ni kimi ga suki dayo tsuyoku irareru
Negai wo nagareboshi ni sotto tonaete mita keredo
Nakanai yo todoku darou kirei na sora ni

 

Ae nakutemo kioku wo tadotte onaji shiawase wo mitain da
Ano kaori totomo ni hanabi ga patto hiraku

 

Ikitai yo kimi no tokoro he chiisana te wo nigirishimete
Nakitai yo sore wa sore wa kirei na sora datta
Negai wo nagareboshi ni sotto tonaete mitakeredo
Nakitai yo todoka nai omoi wo kono sora ni...

Translation 

The moonlight evening shows it's face, and the voices of the children disappear
Somewhere far far off in the sky, you're probably out there
We sneak away into the end of the summer, and we found this park
Do remember what that constellation was?

 

Even if we can't be together, I want to follow my memories, and see the same happiness as you do
The fireworks burst in a flush, together with that scent

I want to go to where you are, I want to run off right now
 

You can't see anything in the pitch darkness, it's alright to be scared
The starry sky with countless amounts of stars is always going to be right here, even now
I won't cry, because a long time ago, I saw a beautiful sky with you

The sound of shoes echoing out on that road is still left in my ears
Staring at my large shadow, I wonder if you still think about me

 

Even though they shouldn't have changed at all, sad feelings swell in me
No matter what I feel, you're not here anymore

 

I want to go to your side, even if just for a little while
I love you most of all, it's stayed a strong feeling
I tried silently wishing on a shooting star
But I won't cry, the wish will go through, into the beautiful sky

 

Even if we can't be together, I want to follow my memories, and see the same happiness as you do
The fireworks burst in a flush, together with that scent

 

I want to go to where you are, clenching my small hands
I want to cry, it was such a beautiful sky
I tried silently wishing on a shooting star
But I won't cry, the wish will go through, into the beautiful sky...

Sunday, February 2, 2014

Empty

If I die tonight, will you remember me?

I'm sorry for asking you such a stupid question.

Sunday, January 26, 2014

A Magic Spell

grow... grow... grow... I whisper in my head while munching Oreo.

The night is getting late and my stomach keep grumbling not minding the hour. I wanna scold that annoying digestive of mine which successfully breaking my concentration. Now I can't write anything but to accomplish its selfish wish first; to eat.

I thank myself for dropping by at the convenient store this afternoon, buying some snack that I know I'd need tonight. I had have dinner before but this mag just couldn't stop wailing asking to be feed.

Saturday, January 25, 2014

January's Dilemma



January will soon leave. 2014 is walking so fast, as if it was running on some kind of marathon track. And me who never did good in any march, is being left behind. 

When I saw calendar this morning, I realize I don’t have much time left to be wasted. 

*Does time even served to be wasted in the first place?

I remember last ten days I still squealing in my mind knowing I have plenty time in hand to play. Now when 10 days already passed, I wonder; what I have been doing until now? Not a single day I used to play! Then what? I used my free time to sleep instead XD

*sleepy head

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

[Lyric] Do Do Da Idi

Nah, this is another song that I love.
Despite this song is a lullaby, it has heavy and sad aura.
The setting was on war era, the character weren't in Aceh at that time. But they wish to go home.
It's about a mother who wishes her son to be a patriot when he grow up, fighting against invaders to defend his country.
I do love this song.

Please listen to this song so you'll know how beautiful it is. [Download here]

*** 

Do Do Da Idi


Allah hai do do da idi
Boh gadong bi boh kaye uteun
Rayek sinyak hana peu ma bri
Aib ngon keuji ureung donya kheun

Allah hai do do da idang
Seulayang blang ka putoh taloe
Beurijang rayek muda seudang
Tajak bantu prang tabela nanggroe

[Lyric] Saleum

So, as I am Acehnese, I also listen to Acehnese song. Not love song though, I love to listen to the song which contain moral message/history as well using traditional instrumental such as rapai and seurunee kalee.

Here I'd share you the lyric of my favorite Acehnese song. I haven't translate the lyric because it actually hard to do. If you want me to translate this, please comment on this post.
This song is really beautiful!

If you ever watched Ketika Cinta Bertasbih Movie, you must know this song.

[Dowload/listen here]
*** 

Saleum

Salamu’alaikom warahmatullah
Jaroe dua blah ateuh jeumala
Jaroe lon siploh di ateuh ulee
Meu’ah lon lakee bak kaom dum na

Jaroe lon siploh di ateuh ubon
Salamu’alaykom lon tegur sapa

Saturday, January 11, 2014

Reflection

 
picture disclaimer


Oh, mirror, mirror on the wall
Say, who's the most beauty in this world?

Di muka cermin yang seluas bingkai jendela
Sesosok manusia mengagumi parasnya
...cantik,

Oh, mirror, mirror on the wall
Say, is there someone as beautiful as me?

Fokus pada kontur wajahnya
Ia mengukir senyum
Dan sepasang mata cembung itu berbinar
Bak gemintang yang berpijar di kelam malam
...memikat,

Menuju (Blang) Bintang - Puisi untuk Kak Mei

Puisi ini ditulis berdasarkan pengalaman mengarungi jalan (belakang) menuju Bandara Iskandar Muda di Blang Bintang ketika trip mata kuliah Psikologi Industri bersama kak mei dan Downiers lainnya :)

Puisi ini memposisikan Kak Mei sebagai penunjuk jalan :D
Berhubung ia selalu melewati jalan ini kalau ke kampus ^_^



~***~

Menuju (Blang) Bintang

Rekam perjalanan di ujung Desember,
Ketika dunia bersorak menanti pesta kembang api
Aku, meredam gaduhnya dan gegas berkendara


Deru motor di atas aspal berlubang
Pecah maki dari pejalan kaki
Koloni kambing beradu lari
Hingga gerombol itik yang mencari damai dari genangan air di tepi jalan

Friday, January 10, 2014

Kisah Tanpa Ujung



disclaimer


Jawab apa yang harus kukata ketika kau bertanya?
hanya diam yang kupunya

Namun selidikmu tak kunjung reda
sesaat lalu, sayup kudengar lagi kau ajukan pinta
tahukah?
aku tidak punya sesuatu yang pantas kusemat di lembaran hatimu

Lalu jika kusampaikan, maukah kau mendengar?
akan kubacakan berbait sajak yang tak indah
Dan, sebuah penegasan; kau tak akan pernah mengerti, meski aku berujar berulang kali
sebab tiada wajar apa yang hendak kuucap

Maka dengarlah, karena kau telah memintaku bercerita
meski tak sepatah pun dapat kau maklumi, jangan minta aku berhenti
dengarlah hingga ia berakhir pada jalannya,
ketika tinta penaku mengering dan jemariku keriting
kala seluruh kata yang kumiliki tumpah dalam alurnya

Bila ia telah sampai pada hilir, dan kau tak dapat lagi memandang hulunya,
disanalah ia berakhir.
Lalu aku sampai pada kalimat yang menakutkan
membuat resahku lahir jadi peluh, lisan pun seketika kelusatu kalimat keramat itu, penutup setiap sajak yang kuramu

"Aku mencintaimu.”



Indrapuri, 2012.