Tuesday, May 20, 2014

I'm Tired and I...

"Why do people cry?"

I haven't gotten the answer of that question, yet.

Right, people cry for various reason. Because they were hurt, they were tired of something, they were upset, and losing something important. But why?

...and is that right or wrong to let out our emotion by crying?

There are people consider as a crybaby. As long as I know, they are people who cry over small thing. Maybe, for many people the reason the cry was something trivia, but who knows what was that for them. Then, is that wrong to cry even if that only about small things? Why do people see it somewhat negative to be a crybaby?

Well, there also times when I didn't understand why do I'm crying. I just can't... explain it.
Sometimes I feel that it was stupid to cry because of that reason, and I feel ashamed of myself to breakdown like that.

There's time I cried because I was upset... I cried because I was tired, or fed up of something. I cry because I can't stand the situation and I want to run away. I cry because I got enough of everything and I want something new.

So many reason to make me cry, right?
and I don't know why those thing let me to shed tears.

Monday, May 19, 2014

Suatu Senja di Qeez Pancake

 “Kalian tidak tahu apa yang aku rasakan.”

Kalimat itu pasti pernah terlintas di benak setiap orang. Kadang-kadang, menempatkan diri di dalam forum besar hanyalah sebentuk pelarian; rasionalisasi bahwa kita tidak sendirian, meski gaduhnya keramaian tetap diakui sebagai sebentuk kesepian oleh sudut hati yang lainnya.

Kami tidak tahu apa yang kau rasakan.” Kalimat itu mungkin terdengar sangat kejam untuk seseorang yang sedang membutuhkan sandaran untuk menumpahkan perasaannya. Tapi itu memang kenyataannya. Sebab itulah kami ingin kau bicara.

Maaf untuk upaya menghibur yang tidak maksimal, tidak ada solusi yang tepat untuk sebuah permasalahan yang samar-samar. Tidak ada tindakan yang benar dalam menyikapi suatu perasaan yang tidak dijelaskan. Setiap tingkah kami mungkin menyinggung secara tidak sadar, namun sepenuhnya tidak ada kesengajaan.

Setengah jam berada di tengah keramaian ini, namun tak seorang pun yang bicara. Memulai untuk saling terbuka sepertinya masih sulit untuk masing-masing kita. Menjadi sebuah peringatan kembali bahwa kepercayaan itu memang bukan hal yang mudah untuk diberikan. Setiap kita punya kekhawatiran akan bertemu kekecewaan atau pengkhiatan.

Dan di sinilah kita.. fooling around like we always do...

Friday, May 9, 2014

The Last (S)word

His eyes were red, flaming in anger. But somehow, I could see a hint of sadness hiding behind that black orbs. His piercing gaze met my solemn face. I knew, soon or later I’d face this day. The day when I’d be saying “welcome” to my death angel. When those men fetch him that day, I know he would return to escort my death.
“Welcome home, Angel.” I reached the door and let him in. He was gripping tightly on his sword. I know. I know, in a matter of minute that sharp sword will land on my body and rip my skin. But I stay calm, there’s nothing I fear. I had long known that this day is the part of my fate. I swore to myself I’d accept everything.
However, I want to serve my death angel a proper meal before I die. Simply because it’s my job, to serve him. Even it was my last day, I wanted to spend it with serving him. Because I made a vow in front of God that I’d devote my life to him since that day, and I won’t break my promise.
“Why?” He asked. Staring straight into my eyes, as if he wanted to reveal what was on my head. I guess he already known that I had read his intention.
“I have no answer to that question.” I replied while pouring the green tea into a small cup. “I didn’t put any poison. Drink it.” I said to him and he gulp the drink.
The moment that bitter liquid pass his throat, he stop for awhile. “you’re right.” He mumbled and take another sip.
“If you’re hesitated, you should not drink.” I said casually, although the thought that he didn’t believe me hurting my chest.
“Even if it poisonous, I’d still drink it.”
“Only a moron would do that.” I snored, thinking how stupid he might be.
“It goes the same on you, only a moron would calmly serve the person who will be their murderer.” He got up from his seat and face me. “You should have run, honey.”
Hearing that, I smile. “You know I would never do that.”
“You’re such a brave creature.” His hand traveled to my cheeks, cupping it lovingly. I think it’d be the last time I feel his gentle touch, so I close my eyes, treasuring the sweet moment.
“You should have known that long ago, when I decide to marry you, my death angel.” I said after he released his hands.
“Look at me,” he demanded. I lifted my face and stare at his eyes. He didn’t say anything and I zipped my mouth as well. Our gaze lock on each other for a couple of minutes till I couldn’t stand it any longer and avert my eyes. It hurts. It hurts to know that the one you love the most will be the one who send you to death.
He stay still though, holding on me as if he doesn’t want to let go. I sighed heavily, if he keeps staring at me with that gaze, I might be melting in any second now and change my mind.
You’re so cruel. Why are you showering me with that loving stare when you are going to end my life? I cried in my head and close my eyes, feeling that two orbs of mine are burning. No, I won’t let a single tear escape from it.
I heard him sighing, but I didn’t dare to peek though I was so curious of what kind of expression he has on his handsome face. He slowly draw me closer and pull me into his warm embrace.
“It will be hurt.” He whispered into my ear. It sounds like a warning. But I didn’t care at all about the painful of death. My heart was aching badly and I know the pain I was feeling is way greater than the pain his sword would cause on my body later. I couldn’t think of any other painful pain than dying on my beloved one’s hand.
“Let’s have a battle.” He finally slip his hand off me. He took his sword and handed it to me. I was confused on what he plan to do. He could just slash me right away.
“Take your chance to save your life.” He answered my silent question. But I didn’t have any intention to do so. Having a thought that he wants me to die is already killing me. Several minutes ago when I witnessed his anger eyes on me, I already died. There’s no point of saving my life if I couldn’t live with him.
He walk into a room and I saw him back with the heirloom sword on his hand. It’s the sacred sword, a poisonous sword his ancestor keep to kill their sworn enemies in one slash. He stopped a few meters in front of me and point the sword in front my face, inviting a fight. I stared at the sword in my grip and threw it away without hesitation.
“I accept my fate. Go on, kill me.” I said and walk closer, until his sword press on my chest.
“No!” He shouted and draw back his sword. “I’m giving you a chance to life so take that.” He walked to where my sword was thrown and hand it back to me. “If you can escape, I’ll set you free.”
“You want us to fight each other?” I chuckled amusingly, couldn’t understand on how could he thought of that idea. “It just wasting time. Come here and stab me.” I dare him, but he didn’t move an inch and just staring at me with pair of unreadable eyes.
“Don’t come closer!” He warned when I was about to step forward. “Take your sword and fight me!” He ordered again.
I know he is stubborn. So I get my sword and point it at him, just to please him. “Let’s start.”
He began his move and attack me. I dodge his sword by using my sword as the shield. I didn’t fight back, I couldn’t do that. I just let him have some fun before we couldn’t fight with each other again, before my corpse buried underground.
I was getting emotional when I think about him, on how I’d never see him again after that day. I consciously put my guard down and let him immobilize me. I decided to make it quick. Then I found myself was thrown to the ground with him standing beside me, his sword press on my chest.
“Why don’t you fight back?” He cried desperately. I just flashed a thin smile, assuring him that he could do anything he want to me.
“Stop smiling!” His sword is now pointed on my neck, scratching my skin in the process. Some blood dripping from the open wound, tainting my shirt and the ground beneath me, but I could feel no pain.
“I’m sorry,” I heard him muttered lowly and drawing back his sword. He crouched down and wrapped my wound with his handkerchief. The handkerchief which have my name and his on it.
“You don’t need to do this. I’m dying anyway.” I said casually, earning a glare from him.
“Do you really think that’s gonna work on me? I don’t even scare of your sword.” I sneered, but he let it go. I failed to irritate him.
“Let’s stop this nonsense.” He said with his back facing me. From his vibrate tone, I know he was crying. “I will let you go.”
“No.” I refused and tugged on his sleeve. “You’re almost done. Finish me.”
“I can’t do this!” He turned around and shouted on my face.
“Yes, you can honey. You hate me.” I shoved the fact on his face. “Too bad you didn’t know that the one you hunt is living with you.”
“Why are you doing this to me?”
“I only want your happiness.” I answered honestly. “You always say that you hate them, my family. You won’t let any of their offspring stay alive.”
He didn’t give any reaction. From his eyes, I know he was in dilemma. He hates me but also loves me. I know that. Because there’s no way he would stupidly marry the one he hates. He must feel betrayed. Like I was deceiving him, though I didn’t mean it that way.
“Come on. Do that. You hate me, right?”
“If you want to die that much, I’ll grant your wish.” He stood up and hold his sword. A moment later, he was back on his previous pose. Standing on my side with his sword on my chest.
“Any last word?” He said while his sword begin to penetrate my chest. I let out a grunt feeling my flesh being ripped apart. I look up at his face and saw he was shutting his eyes tightly.
“I love you.” A lone tear finally escape the corner of my eyes. I want to say it loud but I choke on my breath, halting my words in the throat. But apparently, my whisper reach his ear and he opened his eyes wide with shock. He pulled out his sword from my body and threw it somewhere.
As my sight getting blurry, I saw him leaning closer and I could feel his warm hand around my fragile frame.
My dream is dying in your arms, but unfortunately my fate is to die in your hand...

But I guess, I got it both...

~*The End*~