Tuesday, April 8, 2014


“It's so lonely without him...” You mumbled lowly, didn't dare to raise your voice louder and let the others know what you were saying.

You looked around and sighed. Relatives are gathering. There are many people in your house that night, but the athmosphere was quiet and heavy, as if no one present. You studied their facial expression; no one curve a smile, no words uttered. Only the rythme of each others breathe and the sound of clock tickle that could be heard. You sighed again, heavier this time.

If only he is here... you whine in your mind, missing your father presence. Your father was really good at lifting up the mood. He is a caring and loving person, who always success brighten up the gloomy aura of everyone around him. Unfortunately he wasn't there that night, and you couldn't make him there.

Things aren't supposed to be like this. You said to yourself, inhaling deeply, trying to heal the blues that was enveloping your mind and heart. You were reassuring yourself that everything would be okay. You had to encourage yourself because no one would do that now.

Just a second after that, you knew you were failed to do so because drops of tears are falling from the corner or your both eyes. Even if you tried your best to hold them, tears are stubborn. They didn't listen to your command and flew endlessly.

Again, you tried to hide your sob by covering your face with your palms. But the others already knew that you were weeping. In this silence when not even a whisper float in the air, your choking breathe was loud enough to be heard.

“Why does big brother cry?” You heard your little brother asked your mother. He was in the other side of the room, hugging your mother weak body tightly. But you didn't hear any respond from the other party, or maybe you missed the answer because your mother's voice almost gone due to too much crying.

Abang...” The little boy called. He was heading towards your direction, maybe wanted to confirm that you really were crying. But you ignored his call. You can't possibly answer him properly when it feels so hard even just to breath normally.

Abang?” He tugged on your sleeve, and you looked up to him, showing your teary eyes.

He was stunning for a moment, before hesitantly putting himself down on your lap. He then wiped your tears with his little thumb and stare at you deeply.

“Where does it hurt?” He asked with pair of worried eyes.

You smiled at his question. You used to ask him that question whenever you saw him crying. Your little brother is a clumsy boy who often injure himself. Thus, you never missed a day without throwing him that question. Perhaps, he thought you cried because of the same reason.