Sunday, October 6, 2013

I Will Fix Myself





I should fix myself, I guess?

When I read some inspirational quote or hearing my friends talk, I always inspired on how they live their life.

Why?

Because they could motivate theirselves perfectly and move on quickly. While me, I always stuck in a state, drowning deeper and have hard time to get rid of it. I was fallen into a hole without I even realized it. I just oblivious that somehow I’m turning worse day by day.

I could easily retort my logic and depend my selfish mind that I just doing normal. That what I did is nothing wrong. But I can’t always pretend that I’m find with it, because actually I’m not.

That’s one of my weakness, easily get drown when it’s about my favorite. I could buy so many pens in a day just because it caught my heart in a first sight. I could watch 12 episodes of drama in a day if it’s caught my interest. I could finish a novel in a day if the story really get me curious, and I could ignores people for year if she/he did irritate me.

Weird?

Yeah, that’s me.

I want to change myself to be a better person.

How?

First, I want to be closer to my Lord, Allah Swt. I fully aware that recently I’m walking away further from Him, that I was putting Him down from my priority, I cheat on my Lord, I put something else above him without I intend and realize it. Well, I’m the worst. That kind of things happened because I was forcing my effort in doing something that I love and without I know it already reduced my supposed to be time with Him to do something else.

Forgive me…

I want to become a better personality. Living a better life. Helping other people and guiding them into a better way.

Well, the last point, it might be still far away ahead. I’m still a spoilt little brat that even hard to control myself. First, I want to get myself closer to Allah and stop doing trivia thing that could get me into sin. I want to fix my error brain and add a new software into it. A software that could get me to read Qur’an more and have a special Dzikr and Do’a corner after shalat, to be longer.

I want to be more religious.

I hope I could success this before 2014 enter the earth :)