Saturday, December 14, 2013

December's Tears

 “Unless you have been very, very lucky, you have undoubtedly experienced events in your life that have made you cry. So unless you have been very, very lucky, you know that a good, long session of weeping can often make you feel better, even if your circumstances have not changed one bit.”
 ― Lemony Snicket, Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid

 

I've decided: December theme is "Tears"

Little Chinen Yuri in Nanako to Nanao

Since I cried much last night, I want to write more about tears in here. So yeah, I will post more entry with tears as the theme this month. Maybe there would be short story or my own story relate to tears and cry in near time.

Why? I just feel like to. And there would be another topic too, but the main post is about tears.

I talk about death in November, sad story. I didn't plan to make it lasts till December, but I guess there still some more sad stories waiting to be write by me. I'm preparing to cry again.

Perhaps, there will be happy story too, as we know, tears is not always mean sadness, is it? Tears or joy is exist. So I hope I could share something about crying out of happiness :D

Friday, December 13, 2013

Cry Cry Cry~

Cry with me, smile with me
Kanjite zutto...
 - NEWS, With Me.



Akhirnya saya menangis lagi!

Tidak menangis untuk tenggang waktu beberapa minggu merupakan pencapaian yang hebat bagi seorang crybaby seperti saya. 
Saya sering menangis--sangat. Saat marah, kecewa, sedih (pastinya), terharu, dan juga di kala happening yang sepele semacam menonton human drama.

Anyway, terhitung dalam tahun ini, saya jarang menangis karena hal serius. Yup, saya masih menangis saat menonton drama. Namun berhubung jam campus sedikit lebih padat dari semester sebelumnya, intensitas menonton drama pun jadi berkurang yang berimbas pada sedikitnya menumpahkan stok air mata yang saya tabung setiap hari. Alhasil, bendungan yang memang sudah mencapai batas maksimum itu sering jebol saat saya tertawa maupun yawning.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

November


disclaimer


Aku berdiri di ujung Desember, mengamatimu yang masih terpuruk dalam liang November. Sekuat apapun aku mencoba menarikmu keluar, aku tak mampu. Karena lenganku tak berhasil mencapai jemarimu yang tak kau ulur untuk menerima niatanku.

Angin menampar wajahku, rinai dingin pula menyusup ke dalam kulitku, membekukan otot-otot dan setiap sendi. Aku ingin pergi, bergegas mencapai rumah dan menghangatkan diri dengan secangkir teh melati.
Tapi kau masih di sana… menatap ke masa lalu dari tengah jembatan waktu. Dan aku tidak bisa meninggalkanmu. Tidak lagi.

Riak di bawah sana membentuk ombak oleh angin yang semakin keras bergejolak. Pinus-pinus itu berjuang untuk tetap berdiri, sementara putaran angin kian giat mencoba mematahkan pertahanannya. 

Aku masih berdiri di tempat semula, meski matahari telah memanggilku untuk melangkah ke hari berikutnya. Ketika ia pamit bersama kumandang azan, aku semakin ragu. Sebelah telapak kakiku mengambang di atas tanah, menuntutku untuk segera melangkah. Aku menoleh padamu sekali lagi, berharap kau mengobati hatimu dan ikut denganku. Tapi kau masih bertahan di  tengah November, mengubur diri dalam rasa kehilangan. 

Apakah kau memilih tinggal di sana selamanya? Kutahan tanya itu ditenggorokan. Karena meski kusuarakan, tak akan ada jawab yang kuterima. Kau bisu. Semenjak suatu hari di November itu.

“Mari pulang.” Dua kata itu yang selalu kuucap seraya menarik lenganmu, membawamu pulang dengan paksa. 

Tak sadarkah kau bahwa kesedihanmu menjadi penderitaan bagiku? Mengawasimu menangisi kepergiannya setiap hari, menemani di sebelahmu tapi bahkan kau lupa pada keberadaanku. Sementara kau berjalan terseok-seok mendahuluiku, kuamati figurmu dan membandingkannya dengan sosok yang terekam dalam ingatanku sebulan lalu. Aku merapatkan tanganku di atas dada, jaket yang kupakai tak begitu berhasil menghalang dingin dan mencipta sesak di paru-paru. Kutatap sosok tegapmu, tapi bahkan tubuh kekar itu tak sangat hebat untuk melawan badai perasaan yang menimpamu.

“Dedaunan menguning dan cuaca menjadi dingin. Meski saat itu adalah musim gugur, senyummu selalu merekah kala November.”

Kalimat itu lagi. Sepertinya itulah satu-satunya bahasa yang masih tertinggal di dalam memorimu. 

Kutelan perasaanku mentah-mentah. Aku tidak mungkin menangis di hadapanmu. Bahkan meski kau tak lagi mengenaliku. Aku tidak ingin lemah sepertimu. Tidak akan!

Aku terus berjalan menyusuri Desember, dan merangkulmu di sisiku. Meski begitu, aku tahu kau tak nyata dalam sentuhanku. Kau masih di sana, terjebak dalam jerat November.

Kamar Sunyi, 10 Desember 2013.

Monday, November 25, 2013

In Need of Motivation

Approaching the end of year, I feel myself lacking of motivation.
Rather than going to a motivator or watch some videos, I choose to browse free motivational quotes in the internet.
Don't know why, but something that I read is more impressing to me. so, this is some that I like...

PS: pictures and quotes is not mine (disclaimer)


More under...


Confidence

I think, this is something that I don't have?





Sunday, November 24, 2013

Marriage and Death

My family got so many wedding invitation within this month, and there's still some other for the next month. Every time I come along, I always have my time to think about lots of things after meals.

The party was always glorious. Whether it's the bridegroom and the guest. Everyone plasters a bright smile. They wear their best clothes, blessed the bridegroom with gifts. So does the new happy family gives them a nice souvenir in return.

Observing the crowded around me, I can't help myself to think about this;


Your wedding ceremony was this crowded, will your funeral be the same?


People comes to the party because they're invited. But would they come to your funeral without being invited? Because death is not an occasion where you would spread an invitation for people to see you for the last time.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Weird Thing

What is it? Who?
Oh, it's my face~

***

I was dumbfounded when I stared at my reflection in mirror just now.
I didn't recognize my own face!

Oh, well. Due too much crying when watching "Kyou no Hi wa Sayonara Drama SP", my eyes was swollen as well my face. No wonder since I wasted so many tissue while watching.
Now if I had to count, maybe the tears I spilled out reach tens mililiters XD

Hoho, I was chuckling seeing my weird facial appearance, it's really not me! I wonder how could I turn that foreign for my own knowledge. Next time after crying hard, I guess I should take some photos XD

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Distress

AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH~

Don't come closer!
You may hurt your ear.

Yes, I really want to scream right now. But there's no way I'd do that. I never ever scream that loud all my life! and I can't imagine if I'd really do that.

What the...?

Oh, I don't really know what happen to me.
Yes, I'm here to spam this blog of  me again today.
Is it about assignment? or I just having distress for no exact reason.

Wait~! 
Maybe there's a reason; like I'm thinking too much about untouched tasks in my computer.
Yes, there's many of it. and instead of finishing it I only thinking about how I'd do that.
Well, I know my laziness always win over me. That's why I'm being problematic.
But hey~ there's also a reason for it. I'm type of people who work better in destitute condition. I'm one those people who have "The Power of Kepepet"

Nonsense


disclaimer
"I love you more than anything in this world!"

What a great lie to say~

*shrug off and walk away.

Sunday, November 17, 2013

[Lyric] Backstreet Boys - LIft Me Up

When I'm lost along the way and I can't face another day
And if I stumble on the road and if I can't carry the load
And if I lose my faith, and kindness, and generosity
Would you hold my hand?
Say you understand my pain

Most of the time when I feel down, I'd listen to this song...
Remembering all people who always supporting me.
My parent, siblings, relatives and best friends...
I'll keep in my mind that I'm not alone in this world, that I'm not helpless.
There's God who protects me all the time...

***

LIFT ME UP
Liftin' me up, me up, me up, me up.
Liftin' me up, me up, me up, me up...

When I'm down on my luck and I'm searching for my soul
When I'm feeling too much and I start to lose control
When I'm down so low that even enemies don't wanna know
You still care for me, say a prayer for me, and I know

Oooh, I like you hangin' around
'Cause you lift me up when I am upside down
Oooh, you are my favorite sound
'Cause you're always down for

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Monday, November 11, 2013

Nothing

I think we can be good friend, but seems like it's not...?

I want to believe that you care about me too, like how I care about you. 

But...

I think I'm wrong...

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Who Are You?

disclaimer
We never know what fate could bring us. Where we may go, who we could meet, what may happen in near time or far future.

I was at the wedding party this afternoon, waiting for my grandpa who still attending the "hand-over ceremony" between the bridegroom family. We was about to leave that time, but that traditional procession not seem to end soon.

I sat near the main gate, together with my grandma and aunt. She was waiting for her husband--my uncle, ready to come back too.

As I felt boring with the noises and crowded around me, I averted my gaze to the surrounding hoping to capture something worth to see. But there was just people, people, people and people.

I change my intention of just sightseeing to find my uncle instead. Who knows if I could capture his figure in that sea of people. I'm great if I could do that, right?
*getting narcissistic again!

So then, I continue on observing, peeking here and there, looking to everywhere. That's when my gaze accidentally fell on that someone...

Saturday, November 9, 2013

Someone Who Looks Like Me



Aira, I met someone who looks really similar to you.

A text that I received last night.

I frowned at first. Wondering what's the purpose of telling me? What's more, it came late at night.

Don't equate me with others. But I replied nevertheless, getting curious on why he may think I need to know that.
I'm not! She does look like you. The you when we're in junior high back then.Seriously! He insisted. 

I got annoyed on his stubbornness. Honestly, I don't like to be compared or equate with others, much more a stranger.

What thing she has that's similar to me? I asked at last, giving him a chance to explain what he really want to say.

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Cloudy Night




Rain has just stopped
The atmosphere turn quiet

I turn off the light.

Good night~

Silent room, Nov 6, 2013

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Happy New Year!

We have entered the new year of Hijra!

Let's pray for a better life, better future, better world.
Praying for God blessing.



Sunday, November 3, 2013

Under Rainy Sky



I don't know why, perhaps it because the beginning of month was greeted by death news, I start to think more about death now, listening to nasyid with death theme, reading sad stories and write more about death. This is a story that I wrote months ago. Since I somehow get a feeling that November is month of death, I decide to post this.

***

Under Rainy Sky 
-Aira Hadi-
Taken from here

The autumn breeze started to blow, sweeping away the heat that linger over the town. As if saying goodbye to the summer and reminds the townspeople to welcome the upcoming season, preparing their selves to cope with the change of temperature.



Clouds hanging in the sky, covering the vast blue reflection. Maple tree has shed their leaves, let them fall and lay on dark brownish ground, or blown away by the naughty wind. A great view of landscape that can only be enjoyed once a year. 



A short boy place himself on the steel bench inside a small park in the edge of road. His eyes glued at pedestrian way where people passing by in hurry, walking towards various directions. Minutes passed by as well. Time flows so fast without waiting for anyone. He sat still, looks so lifeless, with the deep wound occupying his heart and the same loneliness he has been suffering since long.



People said time would heal the pain… Two seasons had passed since his heartbreak incident. But he feels nothing change. Except the open wound inside his heart which is wider day by day. He thought he could easily get rid of the pain and forgetting everything as he start a new life. He had out from his high school life, moving to another side of Tokyo, becoming a bright university student, changing into cheerful personality, gaining more friends… He did a lot things to escape from his old self, trying his best to get that someone out his mind, pretending that he had never experience those painful memories, yet his soul still trapped in the same loneliness. He feels nothing but empty.

Saturday, November 2, 2013

Welcome Rain!


Heavy rain pour again...
I love it.

This is the first rain in November, I hope the long remaining days will also rainy. I love rain after all.

The rumble sound of rain hitting roof tile is so loud but I don't hate that. The scent of wet ground is calming and relaxing.

Raining is the most time I feel happy.

It's quite cold. I should brew some coffee :)

The Feeling of Losing



"What has gone is gone. You won't get it back no matter how hard you beg. So, cherish everything you have before it taken away.

- The Saddest Side of Me





I’m talking about death.

The beginning of November was greeted by sad news, one of my father relatives got into motorcycle accident and passed away. This is once again reminds me that death is hunting us and become nearer day by day. Our time in this world is limit. We could never guess when our life comes to the end.

No matter how much we love someone. He will disappear from our life. Our feeling towards him won’t change anything. We can’t save him from death, no we can’t. Do you realize that death is the only disease without cure? No one could escape from death treat. No scientist know how death itself taking one life.

If you were a good person, many people would come to your funeral, mourn on your end. Prayers come from around the world, wishing for your victory in the next life. Cries and tears sent you to your last home; a grave. 

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Babah Dua Beach, Great Aceh


I'm sorry...
Today I'd just upload the photo first.
The information about this place would come later....

so, enjoy the pictures!



 

 More under the cut....

Goodbye October



Sudah sampai di penghujung Oktober... sebentar lagi November akan mengganti tugasnya menjajarkan seperangkat hari, lalu Desember pun akan mengekori setelahnya. Dan... 2013 pun pensiun dari jabatannya.

Tidak ada yang terlalu berkesan dari Oktober, kecuali beberapa tanggal yang merupakan deadline pengumpulan tugas. Tidak ada yang terlalu dinikmati, berhubung cuaca di Indonesia tidak lagi sesuai siklus yang saya pelajari saat masih di Ibtidaiyah. Guru IPA saya dulu mengatakan Oktober adalah musim hujan, namun dalam bulan ini, matahari seakan mengejek saya yang masih percaya pada buku kurikulumnya sudah kadaluarsa itu.

Nah, sementara kalau di luar negri --yang bukan tropis dan timur tengah, Oktober sudah jelas-jelas sebagai musim gugur, saat pepohonan meranggas untuk menyambut musim salju. Tidak ada istilahnya musim pancaroba yang tak bisa diprediksi kelakuannya.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Student's Diary: Educational Psychology Quiz

Today quiz.
Yes, you're right. I wrote this in the middle of quiz.
Great? It's me!
*narcissistic mode on*

However, I didn't prepare anything to answer the question that would be ask later. I didn't have time to review even a little. It's not like I didn't get a chance to do that. I do have time, but I have larger amout of laziness inside of me, which preventing me from studying.

Okay, let me tell you my excuses. I was really tired yesterday. Of course, studying won't be effective when I'm not in the mood and for me, to have mood of studying only happen once in a blue moon. All that I got is sleepy and end up laying on my bed until morning. I slept of course!

Why didn't you study in holiday? The quiz had been informed before the school start!

Oh, please. What is the meaning of holiday if I have to court with textbooks in those special days? This question ruin my mood.

But you should know, even if I want to, I don't have time to do that. I was very busy. Busy doing nothing.

Monday, October 21, 2013

The Cookies

(Ha~
First complain; I should have post this days ago!)

For muslims in Indonesia, they must have been familiar with the cookies that I would mention below this. It was the tradition to bake some cookies before Eid comes that would be served to the guesses who come to visit in the Eid days.

Nah, this is the list of cookies we baked this Eid~


1. Chocolate Cookie

  This one is my favorite!

  Well, you know, I love chocolate very much. So whatever which relate to chocolate, I would love love.
 Much more, if it's food :D

 The ingredients was quite simple, not much different from other cookies, it just, we need to add larger amount of chocolate powder in the dough, and less sugar. So it would have bitter-sweet taste.
Find more under the cut...

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Sunday, October 6, 2013

I Will Fix Myself





I should fix myself, I guess?

When I read some inspirational quote or hearing my friends talk, I always inspired on how they live their life.

Why?

Because they could motivate theirselves perfectly and move on quickly. While me, I always stuck in a state, drowning deeper and have hard time to get rid of it. I was fallen into a hole without I even realized it. I just oblivious that somehow I’m turning worse day by day.

I could easily retort my logic and depend my selfish mind that I just doing normal. That what I did is nothing wrong. But I can’t always pretend that I’m find with it, because actually I’m not.

That’s one of my weakness, easily get drown when it’s about my favorite. I could buy so many pens in a day just because it caught my heart in a first sight. I could watch 12 episodes of drama in a day if it’s caught my interest. I could finish a novel in a day if the story really get me curious, and I could ignores people for year if she/he did irritate me.

Weird?

Yeah, that’s me.

I want to change myself to be a better person.

How?

First, I want to be closer to my Lord, Allah Swt. I fully aware that recently I’m walking away further from Him, that I was putting Him down from my priority, I cheat on my Lord, I put something else above him without I intend and realize it. Well, I’m the worst. That kind of things happened because I was forcing my effort in doing something that I love and without I know it already reduced my supposed to be time with Him to do something else.

Forgive me…

I want to become a better personality. Living a better life. Helping other people and guiding them into a better way.

Well, the last point, it might be still far away ahead. I’m still a spoilt little brat that even hard to control myself. First, I want to get myself closer to Allah and stop doing trivia thing that could get me into sin. I want to fix my error brain and add a new software into it. A software that could get me to read Qur’an more and have a special Dzikr and Do’a corner after shalat, to be longer.

I want to be more religious.

I hope I could success this before 2014 enter the earth :)

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

[Lyric] News - Aki no Sora (Romaji + English Translation)

Well, this is autumn. Although I never experience it in my real life, for some unknown reason I fall in love with this season.
Weird? Well, I won't retort if you think i am.
You know, my wild imagination somehow has bring me to Japan and let me play under the maple tree :p

So, as I love autumn, I also love this song verryyyyyyyyyyyyy much!

Here it is, NEWS - AKI NO SORA lyric




~***~

Aki no Sora

Haruka kanata tooku kara aki no kehai
Natsu ga satte yuku
Yume ga samete nokosareta omoidetachi
Sayonara no sign

Futo kaoru kaze to irozuita keshiki
Mou kikoenai nami no oto

Aki no sora aki no sora setsunai kaze ga fuku
Anata wo omou hodo mune ga kurushii
Nakanaide nakanaide sumiwataru aoi sora
Dokomademo tooku e kumo ga nagareru kumo ga nagareru

Reiji sugite tenki yohou wa hazurete
Kasa wa mottenai
Ame no hi ni wa ukanai kao de fukureteta
Kimi ga suki datta

Futo kaoru kaze to hoshi no nai yozora
Ama oto dake hibiiteku

Ano koro no ano koro no futari kono michi aruiteta
Afuredasu omoide koe ni naranai
Nakinagara nakinagara miageta ame no sora
Dokomademo tooku e kumo ga nagareru kumo ga nagareru

Itsumo omoidasu yo
Ano yawarakana egao
Kimi ga warau you ni boku mo waraettara

Aki no sora aki no sora setsunai kaze ga fuku
Anata wo omou hodo mune ga kurushii
Nakanaide nakanaide sumiwataru aoi sora
Dokomademo tooku e kumo ga nagareru

Ano koro no ano koro no futari kono michi aruiteta
Afuredasu omoide koe ni naranai
Nakinagara nakinagara miageta ame no sora
Dokomademo tooku e kumo ga nagareru

Aki no sora aki no sora setsunai kaze ga fuku
Anata wo omou hodo mune ga kurushii
Nakanaide nakanaide sumiwataru aoi sora
Dokomademo tooku e kumo ga nagareru kumo ga nagareru

~*~

What's Extraordinary Mean to Me

"Loving someone who loves you is just ordinary. But if you could love someone who hates you, then it's extraordinary"
- Aozora Aira


this one is the result of my desperate thought during the industrial psychology class this afternoon.
yeah, when i'm bored my brain usually would produce some silly quotes. but i don't hate it. it's my special ability :p

Autumn Breeze

Autumn Breeze



Here comes the autumn breeze,
blowing the dead leaves
Captivating
The sun is setting
Thick clouds floating,
and orange sky smiling

Here comes the autumn breeze,
bringing cold and chill
Harsh wind slamming the pale skin,
coat won't prevent anything

Here comes the autumn breeze,
sending reminiscence and longing
inviting dark memories, hurt and losing

Here comes the autumn breeze,
cracking a silence evening 
scraping the buried pain

Here comes the autumn breeze,
blowing the dead leaves
Captivating
The sun is setting
Thick clouds floating,
and orange sky smiling

Here comes the autumn breeze,
a calming wind yet hurting

Here comes the autumn breeze,
when twilight linger in the west
a thin orange line
saying the last goodbye

Here comes the autumn breeze
the freezing wind

Here comes the autumn breeze,
blowing the dead leaves
Captivating
The sun is setting
Thick clouds floating,
and orange sky smiling

Here comes the autumn breeze,
in rhythmic melody
a farewell song

Empty room, Oct 1st, 2013

Friday, September 27, 2013

PKA6 (6th Aceh Culture Week)



Hi everyone!

Finally, after a long time, I come back writing something worth reading again. Yes I know, my recent entry is just about my selfish rants and anything not-important-to-read.

I got a lot reasons why I *ehm* stop *ehm* writing, it’s was just mainstream excuse. I got plenty much task in college, which I was lazy to do of course XD

Okay, let’s cut the boring intro. This time I want to share you one of the biggest event on my region, Aceh. It’s PKA6! (Pekan Kebudayaan Aceh)6th Aceh Culture Week, the event that only held once in 4-5 years. The 6th PKA began since 20 Sept and will be close on 29 Sept 2013, located in Lamprit, Banda Aceh.

for you who haven’t got there, don’t miss the chance!

As I live not so far from the PKA area, I come there almost every day! Hehe. Well, I came there by invitation of different company, so it’s never boring :D

Okay, now I’d show you some picture I took on my 2nd time exploring PKA. Enjoy!

(PKA6 official site: PKA6)


~* Regency *~

1.           Aceh Besar




Great Aceh Culture House

The visitors allow to enter the house. We may go in to see interior and traditional properties. Each regency has its own thew. The main fair is about the district's bridal bed and wedding. But there's also some other goods that original from its district.

The Great Aceh's art and culture fair (beneath the house)